


Your G'raha Tia

by Ashley Ω Nova (AshleyOmegaNova)



Series: Works Inspired by Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Patch 5.3 - Reflections in Crystal [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Catboys, Dancer Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Genderqueer Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Identity Issues, M/M, Many-WoLs Interpretation, Miqo'te Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Visions in dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26028835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyOmegaNova/pseuds/Ashley%20%CE%A9%20Nova
Summary: "Despite your best attempts, I will not be moved to envy towards other versions of myself."A short story about a Warrior of Light who knows he's not the only Warrior of Light, and his catboyfriend who's also known this for a century and is far less troubled by it.This work is post-5.3 (Reflections in Crystal).
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Ash'leytai Ati, G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Meteor Survivor, G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light
Series: Works Inspired by Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Patch 5.3 - Reflections in Crystal [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898410
Kudos: 16





	Your G'raha Tia

**Author's Note:**

> Ash'leytai Ati is my Final Fantasy XIV character. He's a gendequeer/genderfluid Miqo'te. The pronouns I use for him will be inconsistent. Gender's weird, try to roll with it.
> 
> If you'd like to know more about my character for some reason, check [their carrd](https://pinkmiqo.carrd.co/).

"Despite your best attempts, I will not be moved to envy towards other versions of myself." G'raha Tia spoke playfully but firmly, the tone of someone who thought this was all a bit silly, but not to be taken lightly.

The subject had come up no shortage of times since he first summoned Ash'leytai's friends to his side in the climactic battle with Emet-Selch, but G'raha feared this was becoming a vehicle for self-loathing.

"What if I told you one of the champions I keep seeing is this Midlander guy," Ash'leytai smirked, brushing his pink hair back to the side to watch G'raha's face. "Has a hardened face with a bit of scruff. Dark hair, bangs. Looks like the kind of guy who'd just as soon as hug you as slam you into a wall."

"... Alright, I concede that is _one_ of my types."

Ash'leytai laughed, leaning back on the edge of the apartment bed the two sat on. "Yeah, same."

"Indeed, I'm sure his G'raha Tia is quite happy with their arrangement." A coy smile crossed G'raha's lips. "After all, how could he know what he's missing with you?"

The pink Miqo'te's eyes went wide in surprise, caught off guard as he was. "H-Hey! You're not supposed to be this sly without that hood covering half your face."

"Ha! 'Tis easier without others around. But be a little more confident, and I won't have so strong an incentive to ignore the butterflies in my stomach."

Ash'leytai grinned and leaned in close, whispering into G'raha's ear. "Be confident, you say? If I say I'm confident I'm a trashboy, will that do?" The catboy tugged gently at his lover's earlobe with his teeth, eliciting a squirm and a moan.

"Th-That's not quite what I meant, no. Though you're welcome to keep doing thaaAAa—" a moan ended that particular thought early. "W-Wait, wait."

The pink catboy stopped and pulled back, looking a bit worried. "Is something wrong?"

"I had... something I wanted to reiterate, before you make it impossible for me to think of such things. Or to think of anything, really." G'raha wore a determined expression, staring Ash'leytai in the eyes. "It's you who I love. You who I waited over a century for. You who I was willing to die for, and you who makes me full glad I didn't every day. I care not how many other reflections of G'raha Tia exist, bouncing off the many-sided shard that is the Warrior of Light." He pressed a hand into his chest. "My feelings are real, and they are my own."

Ash'leytai could only stare in shock, his cheeks warming slightly. And then without warning, he was wrapped around G'raha in a tight embrace. Just as quickly, he'd pinned G'raha to the bed, looking down into the reds of his eyes. "I love you, G'raha Tia."

The happiest—albeit most deeply embarrassed—expression took hold of G'raha's face. "I love you too, Ash'leytai Ati. _My_ inspiration."

* * *

Ash'leytai's now-awake eyes focused in on their surroundings. With a sigh, they sat up in bed as carefully as they could, trying not to wake the boy beside him.

Futilely, as it turned out. "Are you okay, Leytai?"

"... Yeah. Just a bad dream."

"You saw it again, did you?" G'raha was never good at hiding concern, and it wore loudly on his face now.

Ash'leytai nodded, a wry smile curling his lips. "Actually it was the guy I was describing to you today. Gruff Midlander boy. I always seem to see more of him whenever big things happen."

It had started around when he awoke to the echo. Ash'leytai frequently dreamed of other lives. Well, no actually. He mostly dreamed of his life—parts of it, at least—being lived by other people. Easily brushed off as _no more than_ a dream, and perhaps others in his situation experienced the same and brushed it off just that easily. After all, who would think that the Warrior of Light was in fact so many different people, all independently walking the same path, yet coming together as adventurers to accomplish their goals, each a supporting player in the other's near-identical story? Even Ash'leytai, being aware of the phenomenon, could not begin to understand it. He mostly tried to ignore it.

But those efforts were in vain, and the dreams didn't help. The dreams weren't always bad. Sometimes they served as prophetic warnings, visions of events he had not yet lived, giving him time to emotionally prepare for outcomes he could not change. But more often, they were only a reminder of the reality that his life was not _his_ life. That he barely had a claim to this life, or the relationships forged in it. That he wasn't even rea—

G'raha wrapped his arms around Ash'leytai. "You are real, Leytai. This is your life. This moment between us is ours, and I'd wager no one else has had it."

Ash'leytai silently placed his hand over G'raha's.

"I know not how many other Warriors of Darkness have saved the First, just as I have witnessed you do. But even were it a million, how many of them could understand what it's like to grow up queer and ostracized in a Seeker of the Sun tribe? How many of them could share my scars? How many could live with such passion, and inspire me so powerfully to be my most authentic self? Whatever any of their relationships are to their respective G'raha Tias, they're not the same as ours. Our lives belong to us!"

"Raha..." Ash'leytai paused, quietly taking in those words. A chuckle broke the silence. "I was worried your penchant for these verbose-yet-inspirational speeches would be left behind on The First alongside your cowl."

The former Crystal Exarch's eyes went wide and he reeled back. "Wh-Wha— Inspiratioinal? Me? S-Surely you jest, I mean I—"

His embarrassed stammering was cut short as his partner turned and pulled him into a hug. More of a squeeze, really. The tightest embrace he could manage. Ash'leytai smiled warmly at his lover. "You know, if monogamy weren't such a foreign concept to us Seekers of the Sun, I might just be jealous over having to share you with so many people, G'raha Tia."

G'raha's ears twitched, and he pouted. "Y-You're one to talk! Remind me, how many partners do you have?"

"My love for one person doesn't diminish my love for another," Ash'leytai replied, offering a well-worn explanation of polyamory, as if G'raha needed it. Yet the rehearsed tone of his voice gave way to a more tender one. "... But that doesn't mean all my love is equal. And you share the seat closest to my heart, Raha."

A wink and a smile from Ash'leytai. A smoldering red face and avoidant eyes from G'raha. "I—You—I mean I..." G'raha sighed. "... You simply delight in leaving me a stammering mess, don't you?"

"A little. It's very cute." Ash'leytai offered a guilty grin. And then a repentant kiss or three for good measure.

As the two settled back into bed, Ash'leytai spoke up once more.

"Hey, Raha?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. For always saving me."

A satisfied smile spread across G'raha's face, surprisingly finding himself in a mood to accept praise. "I'm glad I can do for you what you're awlays doing for me." But a question played at the corners of his mind. "Say, could I... could I ask what it was you saw in your dream, anyway? If it'd be unpleasant to think about, then—"

"The gruff Midlander boy pulled you into a hug. More of a squeeze, really. The tightest embrace he could manage." Ash'leytai paused. "... It wasn't the same as us. They were standing in the Occular, for one. But I hope you don't mind me taking inspiration. I may be my own person, but I needed that hug myself."

G'raha chuckled. "So long as it doesn't cause you to feel further conflicted, you're more than welcome to replicate anything you see the others do to their G'rahas."

A playful smirk spread Ash'leytai's lips. "Oh? _Anything?_ I mean, I sure have seen _a lot._ " He ruffled his partner's hair and turned away with a knowing smile. "I may just take that offer up another time. Goodnight, Raha."

"W-Wait, what exactly have you seen? Leytai, you can't just imply you've seen things of that nature and—and not share them when they involve me!"

"They're not you, remember? You're you! But since your mind is so deeply in the gutter, I'll have you know..." Ash'leytai looked back over his shoulder with a wink. "Most of Hydaelyn's champions aren't nearly as _'passionate'_ as me."

**Author's Note:**

> I've lived the better part of my life feeling like I'm not real, at times like I was just an imposter of a person, at other times like my life did not belong to me, at yet other times feeling whoever /I/ was, it wasn't that person the people in my life loved or cared about. Being queer's rough! Anyway, I imagined what those feelings might be like through the perspective of someone who was aware that half their life was somehow being lived by hundreds of thousands of other people at the same time. Also that person has a loving catboyfriend, so that's nice.
> 
> \---For a more in-depth behind-the-scenes on how I reached this point:
> 
> I'd watched my partner play XIV long before I did. When I finally started, I'd do a jokey in-character running dialogue out loud for him while playing, and part of that was Ash'leytai clearly knowing some events that are about to happen. Between that and wanting to view the story in a way that didn't invalidate the version of this story I've seen where his character (a cool Highlander-turned-Viera woman) is the main character, I decided, "Ash'leytai is the latest Warrior of Light, but everyone else is just as validly a Warrior of Light. They talk about how Louisoix permanently fucked up time-space around the Warriors of Light, so there's room for this reading. And Ash'leytai is aware of this state of things, which is why he knows some stuff he shouldn't know."
> 
> Over time that made it very easy to project my own identity problems onto Ash'leytai in a more focused way. Because if you knew half your life was something hundreds of thousands of other people were living almost beat for beat, and you weren't even the first, how would that make a person feel? Especially a fellow queer person? If you knew G'raha Tia falls in love with every WoL, for example, would you still feel like the love he has for you is real or valid?
> 
> Every time I see someone in the Scion Adventurer's outfit, I jokingly call them "the canonical Warrior of Light," because that's a phrase I've seen to describe Derplander/Meteor Survivor/the player-stand-in from the trailers, and it left a crater on my brain I guess. I primarily think the idea of a "canonical Warrior of Light" is really funny. But it's also led me, a person with identity problems, to think things like, "What would that even make Ash'leytai? Would he be even more not-real than all these other not-real characters in this game?" I decided I wanted to explore some of that in written-form, and I also wanted to write catboy intimacy, so here we are.


End file.
